you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
