we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
