You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just found a bag of teeth...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is Oprah even human
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
