youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
