Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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