My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
