see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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