hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
