what day is it and did you see me today?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you inspire me to be a worse person
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
