i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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