just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
