Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
