i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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