Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
