Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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