okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
