Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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