I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
