Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
