Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize