Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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