dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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