in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
