I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
