I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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