i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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