I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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