I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
