I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
