walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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