Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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