I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
