have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
