you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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