My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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