its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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