i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
