You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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