Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
