Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
