I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
