i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
