I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
