We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
