You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
