the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
