I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
