Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
