Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
