ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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