FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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