Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
