Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize