just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize