i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
