just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Can Purell be used as lube?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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