Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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