this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
