Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
