Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
