I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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