honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
