Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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