the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
