Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
