He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
